For many years, local business owner Joseph has sponsored a holiday toy drive and meal for the families living in our shelter. When we asked why this was important, he shared what STAND! has meant to him and his family.
Joseph grew up in a tense and violent home and was often the focus of his father’s rage. Joseph especially remembers the deep pain of witnessing his father’s violence against his mother.
Like so many children, Joseph developed coping strategies (and he is the first to say that some were more helpful than others) and the dominant strategy was a commitment to non-violent relationships in his own family. In the hardest times, Joseph remembers showing up early and staying late for sports practices – anything to keep him out of the house and in the healthy mentorship of coaches who saw the worth in him. But Joseph also did what so many children do when they feel big enough to fight back – he physically confronted his father and demanded the abuse of his mother stop. The incident did not go well and like many youth faced with limited options, Joseph fled the family home.
It was during those teenage years living outside the home that Joseph, in his words, …“made big mistakes figuring out how to survive, mistakes that I regret now; mistakes in leaving school and sports; I was good at stuff; I could have made something of that”…
Listening to Joseph’s story I heard familiar refrains of childhood frustration knowing others in his small community saw what was happening and did not stop it, of his vulnerability staying at family members’ homes to escape the late-night rampages. He added what others have told us, “I don’t blame my mom; she did the best she could. She didn’t have options to leave with young kids to support.“
When Joseph was 18 years old, his mother called him (using the pager he had provided for her!) with news that she was ready to make a change. STAND! became a part of Joseph’s life alongside his mother, as she entered our emergency shelter and all the services that ultimately supported her choice to rebuild her life without violence.
When Joseph returns to STAND!’s shelter, he often shares his personal story and bears witness to the boys and young men impacted by domestic violence and the challenges of the choices in front of them. Joseph was named after his father and when he shares his story with the boys in shelter, he pointedly tells them why his son is not also named Joseph, “I tell them because it stops here – the violence stops here”. We are happy for the life Joseph has built and are grateful to him as a role model, working through his pain with hope and joy!
Men and boys have always been a part of STAND! – as survivors of domestic violence in our shelter, as teens in our teen dating violence prevention program and youth internship, in our children’s counseling program as well as in our (batterers’ intervention) NonViolence program where we compassionately hold accountability AND hope with men seeking to change their violent behaviors. We are especially proud to work alongside the talented men who are a part of our staff, volunteers, board members, and donors.
We invite you to partner with STAND! as we serve all survivors of domestic violence with a gift this holiday season.
With gratitude,
Rhonda James